|
Dr_Ransom
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Austin
Gender: Male
Interests: God, Music, Books, Friends, Art...
classical; Eric Clapton, bob dylan, chicago, boston, the doors, the who, the beatles, the shins, red hot chili peppers, smashing pumpkins, the postal service, jack johnson, the arcade fire, franz ferdinand, relient k, petra, coldplay, U2, apocalyptica, cream, sting, weezer, beulah, everclear, guster, audio adrenaline, dave matthews band, goo goo dolls, the police, ok go, pink floyd...
Expertise: music and forgetting things
Message: message me
AIM:  oscarTN
Member Since:
12/1/2004
|
|
| *I admit, that was a bumper sticker I thought was particularly clever*
I am at Aspen, and I love it here. A few weeks ago, I would have said that I've only made a few new friends, and that I probably wasn't getting everything out of being here that I could have been. In response to that feeling I've been trying to get out some more and meet new people. Yesterday was particularly amazing since I got invited to go hiking with James and some of the guys in his Bible study group. We drove up to the continental divide and walked a bit up Independence Pass. It was so beautiful! I even touched snow (one of my goals while I'm here). The guys are so nice, I felt really at home, which is kinda rare.
Then we had to head back because Joe had to be back (he's kind of an RA) but we got to stop by the Devil's Punchbowl, which is a spot in a river with some small cliffs on both sides where you can jump in. I don't think I would have jumped even last year. The water was pretty cold (not quite as cold as Crater and Cathedral Lakes, though) but it was really the jump that got me. I'm still a little nervous around heights and jumping off cliffs (maybe 15 ft high) isn't something I'd normally do. It certainly was an adrenaline rush. I actually jumped twice.
Another group that I'm very grateful for is my little Bible study. It's 3/5 MasterWorks kids, and it's really nice that we had someone send out the MWF Bible study packet from this year. I led Bible study yesterday in my awkward way but then introduced some questions for debate that I love discussing, like the problem of evil. What I heard just made so much sense, even though I had heard most of it before. I guess the arguments don't really change that much, but I need to hear them articulated well every once in a while.
So that's great news. However, after 8 weeks here I still don't think I've accomplished nearly as much as I needed to. I'm having trouble memorizing the Prokofiev, and until recently Grieg was a mess. I finally got it to the point where I can put both first movements with piano, but honestly I wanted to get through most of Prokofiev this summer. grrr.
Anyway, on to the part where I get all nostalgic. I am a loser who noticed that my facebook wall-to-wall with Christine stopped going back in 2007, when I knew I joined in 2006 and she was the first one who ever posted on my wall. I wanted to check to make sure FB didn't just delete all my posts past 2007 or something. It took probably half an hour to scroll down that far, especially since FB is stupid and repeats entire sections of wall posts multiple times. Out of all of them I guess I read about 200 posts or so from the past. I like how it saves all the conversations you've ever had on FB, but honestly who has the time to read it again? I have amazingly fun friends though. I'm glad FB didn't delete anything.
As I was pondering my time with FB, (it seems both a really long time ago that I joined and strange that I have so many memories like Sewanee and EMF and most of BA pre-facebook) my thoughts turned to my old Xanga. I updated this baby like twice since I joined FB. But if I wanted to go even further back in time, this is where I should look. And I just have to say, I was a naive kid who didn't know much about anything in the world. And I think I was probably happier that way overall. If nothing else I wish I had some of my positive attitude and passion for music and innocence that I once possessed. I did a lot more interesting things, too. Like art and poetry and reading and high school subjects like math (90% of which I have forgotten). And I wouldn't ever want to repeat high school, once is enough, but those were great times and I was learning a lot and growing. I don't think my past self would be very happy with the present me.
It's nice looking at the past though. I get discouraged a lot but looking back, I don't see most of the crap, I just remember the people I loved who loved me back and I can see that I've done some good in this life. I actually made people happy. And one never knows how big of a deal that could have been. So I hope I can still live a good life with solid friendships and lots of love.
God Bless,
Austin
| | |
| Today Mom helped me make her signature meatloaf dish. I have watched her before but I had never made it. I was very excited. It mights sound like a 'blah' sort of dish, but you have no idea how delicious it can be. Ask Sam Moon (if you're reading this I assume you know who he is) he'll tell you that my Mom's meatloaf ruined meatloaf for him, since no other meatloaf comes close. I view it as kind of a rite of passage. It is the one dish I HAVE to know how to make. It's that good. It is now in the oven, and hopefully will be done soon enough that I can eat some before running to meet MH at the movies.
MH and I are going to see The Watchmen. I am pretty pumped. I read a good deal of the comic at Borders one day, haha. I think I am done packing so when we get out of the movie I am heading back up to Vandy. I can't wait to see people again! Anyway that's just an update on what I've done today. Ideally once I get to Vandy I should practice and read 'Playing with History' for a class. I have a lesson tomorrow that I hope goes well. I practiced really well the first half of break, and haven't touched my violin in a few days. Well, I should go now.
| | |
| Today I went to Church for the first time in a very long time. Mom and I went to Otter Creek Church of Christ.
I really like the Church a lot. Mom had a few issues with it because it's not your typical Church of Christ.
It was so good for me to go, and the sermon was really just about the mission statement and vision of the Church. "The World looks at us and sees Jesus Christ." That captures what the Church, and what being a Christian, is all about perfectly to me. To be a Christian is to be a follower of Christ. As disciples, we should follow Jesus and try to imitate everything that he does. And just as the personal relationship with Jesus is of utmost importance, we must strive to know him before we can imitate him. Which raises two questions for me. Who is Jesus, what did he do, and how can we follow him? And the same question which has been bugging me for some time: What does it take to have a personal relationship with God? Do we need the Bible and the knowledge that Jesus was the Son of God and he died on a cross to take away our sins? Or rather, can't God reveal himself in other ways? I believe he can, though the surest way we can discover who he is is through reading his holy word.
If you haven't gathered already, I am very concerned for my agnostic and atheist friends. I love them very much and will talk to them about God when I can, but it just rubs me the wrong way to think that genuinely good people will go to hell. Still, ultimately I'll have to leave the question and say that it's up to God to decide, and whatever he does will be just.
I was just really encouraged by being there. Worshiping felt like a release, like I've been needing to praise God. I think an important and natural reaction to experiencing God is to worship him. But the most important part for me was just hearing people talk about Christ and the Church. It gave me a lot to think about and refueled me for continued expeditions into the Bible and the search for Truth.
One of the best things I heard was the idea of being a fool for Christ. I don't think I've thought about that since BA. What we do will seem like foolishness to the world. And we can't be afraid of that. In a way, I almost look forward to being persecuted for my faith.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:1-5
Before I go, I want to write down the quotes I will discuss soon. Both actually come from Rachel, though I don't know where she got them.
'the most important choice you will ever make is the standard you use to make choices.'
'the true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.' (Ann Landers)
| | |
| I got up around 10:30 and cleaned the house from about 11 to 1. It was mainly vacuuming and mopping and a few other things. Then my sister and Grace, my niece, came over. I love them so much. Grace is the most beautiful girl on the planet to me right now. She's past a year and a half old now, it's crazy how fast that time passed. I remember being at the hospital on the night she was born (and then looking for where I had parked my car for 45 minutes). I could write pages about her.
Anyway, Mom was cooking shrimp and chicken and vegetables for lunch. After lunch, Martha helped unclog the kitchen drain, which was full of shrimp guts. It was actually kind of funny but it was a 'you had to be there' sort of moment. Then we went outside. I kicked around Grace's big rubber ball for a while. It made me realize how much I miss soccer. Grace just ran around a lot, mainly back and forth over the walkway. We went to the front porch and she had a lot of fun climbing up and down the front steps. Not a whole lot that's interesting to say, but I had a good time just catching up with Martha and watching Grace.
I texted Ashley some today. She sounds like she is doing well. I am going to start calling people, because I miss the sound of their voices. I also heard from MH and Kyndal today, too. MH and I are going to see The Watchmen tomorrow, and I am very excited. I invited Kyndal to come with us but she's not sure she can. I will see her during the week because a friend of hers from school knows Preston Orr, so they will drop by. I always love seeing people.
I think I am ready to be back at school. This break has been pretty amazing for me. I didn't get around to a lot of the things I had planned on doing, but I did some good thinking and had some conversations that I needed to have. I had another one with Mom tonight, and I hope we can continue it tomorrow after Church when she teaches me to make meatloaf. I love her meatloaf. I'm really glad we are going to Church too, it has been far too long. Coach Owen always asks if I'm attending a Church when I go to see him. Maybe I'll start going to Belmont with Chris. I really liked the Methodist Church on West End, so I may go there. I'll ask Jeff if he still goes there.
Mom was telling me about her childhood and her time in college. She went to a nursing school and was a nurse for a few years. She had a lot of jobs, actually, it's very interesting. It hit me that one of the things that's been bothering me about this day and age is that people just won't have such interesting lives anymore. Kids these days just seem to have this cookie cutter life. My Mom worked on their farm as a kid and was working as a nurse probably by the time she was my age, and I still haven't even worked my first job. Of course, I would have had a job by now except that I've been at summer festivals for the past 7 years. I do want to stay home this summer and work (I'd love to work at Borders), but I can't rule out Aspen.
Anyway, I love hearing my family's stories. I wish my grandparents would write a book, they have done so many amazing things. I want to hear my story, too. I feel like it could help me with some identity issues that I have been having.
I need to practice a little bit before bed. I didn't practice at all yesterday. sigh. I need to read for C. Smith's class, too. and there are a bunch of other things I want to do. so much to do and so little time left. Oh well, I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
God bless ~
ps- to those of you acute enough to notice I am not listening to Classical music, it's just because I needed something new before I got back to school and I had a 30% off coupon for Borders. I listened to the Goldberg variations most of the day. which reminds me that my next blog will be on some quotes, including one of Glenn Gould's.
| | |
| Before I get to the important stuff, just a few things to announce.
A) I am making lots and lots of origami. I decided to put little paper flowers in all the Blair practice rooms when I get back on campus. I think it'll be like a nice welcome back gesture. I can only hope I'm not put on probation or something.
B) I am resolved to take better care of myself. Which means eating more than 1 meal a day, exercising, and a regular morning / evening routine. Plus, I want to cut back on my soda intake. When you get your blood drawn at the doctor's and it comes out slowly and they tell you to drink more water, I think that's a sign to drink more water.
C) I am on a Classical only music diet. Since realizing my passion for music has waned significantly, I hope to help remedy the situation by immersing myself in the Classical music world. Maybe it's crazy, but I'm willing to try it. It's a shame my road trip CD mix won't get much play time for a while.
D) My Dad got my old computer working again. Unfortunately my old hard drive is so messed up he can't access the files I wanted to retrieve. I have it in case I get the money to get it restored professionally. I really wanted to read my old conversations with friends, particularly the ones on faith. Oh well, I have now learned to back up my information.
So I went out to dinner with my Dad tonight, which was really amazing. Every so often we just have an incredibly deep discussion about faith, and I really needed it tonight. Things are much clearer to me when I talk to him. I bring him all the questions I can think of and then we just talk through it. I know he's been where I am, and he's had the same struggles that I am having now.
Probably THE Big question on my mind right now is: What does it mean to have a relationship with God?
He answered that it meant learning about God and praying. When I think about it, I wonder if that's all there is to it, but then I ask myself what else could there be to it? It really is like having something right in front of you the whole time and then just opening your eyes. And let's go deeper; our seeking Him and His revealing Himself is a kind of relationship. What is a relationship? It's a connection which grows as the two parties learn more and more about each other and experience life together. It's really a one way relationship in that God already knows everything about us, we're the only ones learning.
So then what is prayer, and how do we pray?
"When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him.
Pray, then, in this way:
'Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.'"
Matthew 6:5-15
First, prayer is personal and private. Second, God already knows what you need. So the purpose of prayer is not to inform God. It seems silly but it's probably how we think of prayer naturally. What I think prayer is is humbling ourselves before God. It's asking Him for what we need, which implies that we need Him. He is our source and supplier. So what's important is HOW we pray. It's the attitude that counts.
At Masterworks last year Mr. Matsuda shared this annotated (I can't think of a way to describe it) version of the Lord's Prayer. It was a breakdown of it's parts, like worship, praise, thanksgiving, penitence, etc. I wish I could find it.
One other big thing we talked about was Justice, or Fairness. I always tend to come back and think about the Holocaust. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend the book Night, by Elie Wiesel. It is the most depressing book I've ever read. And the obvious question when faced with such evil is How could a just and loving God let something like this happen? What I understood from my Dad was that the clearest thing we can see from such examples is the fallen nature of Man. He told me about Corrie Ten Boom, who also went through the Holocaust and reacted completely differently than Wiesel. I want to learn more about her, it sounds incredible.
(It's kind of funny, in a scary way, but in our so-called sophisticated, civilized culture, we are only 1 or 2 steps away from anarchy and barbarism. There's a power outage, or a food shortage, or a flood, and then the looting and pillaging begins. I am thinking of the aftermath of Katrina, and my Dad was telling me about the L.A. riots. It's crazy.)
Here's the key for me: it really bothers me that God intervenes a lot more in some cases than in others. It immediately strikes me as being immensely unfair. Yet what is such an intervention? It's either grace or mercy, or some of both. And no one deserves either. Maybe all that's important is that a person has a chance to turn to God. It doesn't mean that we all get the same number of years or opportunities. It still bothers me, and probably always will, but logically I think this idea of mercy is sound.
We talked about other stuff too, like I wondered if you have to be rational to be a Christian. I was thinking of the insane (after our discussion of the Holocaust) though "credo quia absurdum" seems to work, too. "I believe because it is absurd." Look it up yourself, because I don't want to give a bunch of wrong information that I probably misunderstood. But in a way, faith is absurd, right?
Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1
I have some opinions about unseen things, but I think that is a post for another day.
| | |
|
